The reality of today

If there was every a time of the year that brought so many mixed emotions, I'd say Christmas is it.
You have moms and dads frantically running around trying to find gifts that will somehow show their children that their love can be tangible seen. Babies giggling at dancing snowmen and ringing bells. Parents feeling the dread of never having enough, tears run down their faces at 2am when wrapping the little gifts of love. Poor college students, thinking what can I make? Do I know how to make anything other than $2 go a long way at Wendy's? There are those run-ins at the grocery store, the dreaded kind. No make-up on, that just woke-up look, written in the dark circles under your eyes. And then you run into someone that you would have liked to impress, to let them know that you are really not a slob. Smile, you tell yourself, and look for the nearest exit while nodding yes. After spending long amounts of time picking out that absolutely expensive and enormously special gift, the one your most excited about giving, something distorts the perfect picture of that moment: it didn't arrive. Technology, yeah it's great, but the post??
Your at church and singing those hymns that the worship leader insists are more than just songs, melodies of worship that implore the coming of this child to save the world, not judge it. You think that all those kids should have to memorize the latter half of John 3:16. Yet you keep that thought and abscond to wonder if you know this in your own life. When I live my life, so I really live so that others maybe saved, not judged?? A few rows behind you sits one mom and her daughter who can't believe the divorced dad sits on the other side of church, twiddling thumbs and holding the sorrow in so that when will that pastor is done, there can be a quick escape from the pain of a broken home.
There's those visits for some with family. Some people actually get to complain about the little idiosyncrasies of the uncles and aunts, grandma's and grandpas. They used to be odd things, yet suddenly you miss those crazies. The music brings back all the more memories. Even though all the Christmas songs remind you of your mom who died weeks before your 9th Christmas, those tears just can't stay in and penetrate your every effort to keep them away. It hurts. For some, there is no extended family, but still love in the memories of those who have passed.
I begin to wonder, after feeling all of these things for others and myself, that in these positions there has got to be some reason for all this extra festiveness. What makes all of this worth while; is there any value to the happy sorrows? Immediately I must persist, that yes, celebration of Jesus Christ, the savior of the world, is messy, yet real. His task to love through human hands was the only way. The unbelievable and awkward pain is worth it. Creativity with what I the "cards I've been dealt" is good. There is a real sense of what is valuable, deeply defined each year by the new ways that I realize that God has provided more than what I have asked for. It is hard but brings us closer to crying on the shoulders of a Father who knows best.
Dear Father,
May you find hearts willing to be comforted. May those who are lost, find their way home to a father waiting for their return. May I understand what it is like to have no control of your plans, not disparaged, but comforted in this. God, may I just have one dance on your feet? Can I just follow your lead, and like I did when I was a little girl dancing with glowing eyes, look to your lead?